The Piece Does Not Fit

There are some downsides to being F-A-T, but somehow I can't bring myself to WANT to lose weight. I have been very rebellious on a lot of things lately and that includes my weight. I've been eating everything and anything at unbelievable amounts that I had to change my wardrobe several times. Even today, I would have the problem of finding a piece of clothing that would fit me, and when I did, I found myself trying out one set after another to find the piece of clothing that showed the less bulge.

I have heard countless times from my mother that I could be beautiful again if I lost weight, and when I saw recent photos of myself, I could not help but cringe and agree with her. The thing is, I am at a stage in my life right now when there are too many things going on, and food is my greatest comfort and I don't want to give a damn with how I look. I will eventually, but at this point I just want to prolong the feeling of not being so damn constricted and controlled.

I have freed myself from the fear of getting F-A-T, but I cannot change the fact that when you are F-A-T you feel less energetic and you don't feel that good about yourself either. Do I feel any less of a person? At times yes, because I don't get away with certain things like I used to. The treatment of people towards me is definitely different although it does not bother me too much for me to do something about it.

I am in a ME stage right now, and I would like to indulge myself a little bit more while I go through this searching phase of my life. I will be moving again soon and life won't be peaches and cream for awhile once I start that new chapter in my life. I will eventually be forced to watch my eating for other reasons apart from the need for weight loss.

I am blogging about this now because once again I am jolted awake by the fact that things are different now, and I may be in denial about it when I look into the mirror but no one should be able to make me feel anything that I don't want to feel.

This is not a permanent phase in my life, but while I am here, I am undeniably experiencing both desirable and undesirable consequences of my actions.

Meanwhile, I am very much inspired with the weight loss achievements of Valerie Bertinelli.

Photo Source: http://coverawards.com/tag/valerie-bertinelli-weight-loss/